Distractions, distractions
The coming attractions
Sinking their teeth into me...
Greg S.
All around me they dance...replacement lovers for the wife I lost. They lift their skirts and bid me come. Replacement lovers, full of enticing promises. They promise to make me forget; forget my Nece and her final gasps for air & life, to forget her beautiful eyes now blinded, like Samson's, at the end of her valiant fight. "Come taste our lips" they taunt, "and forget how hers were cracked & dry". Even as they promise me forgetfulness, they mock me with the very pictures they claim they will erase. No, I'll never forget...
I know that their promises are empty & their beauty is fleeting...But I'm a whore, so I chase them anyway. Pleasures of the world like medication, food, music, entertainment, friends, family; anything or anyone that will take away this pain & loneliness for a moment. " Distract me", I beg, "from this bitterness of the grave that has taken away my best friend, my companion, my wife: half of who I am, or who I was to be more accurate. They tempt me with the hope of a brighter tomorrow, these replacement lovers. I allow myself to be distracted by everyone and everything except the One who can touch me deeply enough to make a difference. And I become aware...
I've done the same thing to Him. He has been betrayed. His Bride has heard the same call; the sirens song of the replacement lovers. True, these often look more acceptable. They paint their adulterous eyes with religious makeup & they call: "Come dance with me in the stock market, or workplace, or in the church building." They distract us with the busy pace of life: family, job, school, even ministry. The goal is simply to have us so busy that we are never intimate with Him. He, who created us for love, stands longing for His adulterous Bride to forsake her replacement lovers and return to Him...He is waiting...for me. I must confess Lord, waiting & watching one hour with You is hard. Even here in the IHOP prayer room I must still my mind or it will draw me a mental map, giving me directions on finding my replacement lovers.
I had a lover, but her Eternal Lover whispered her name. He turned His eyes upon her & she caught a glimpse of His gaze...she saw His burning desire for her, and at 3:10am on June 1st, 2005 she could resist Him no longer. All of her replacement lovers, including me, lost all their appeal. Cancer didn't take her, it was simply her cause of death. She was lovesick and when she heard that whisper, that invitation from her Bridegroom that she had waited so anxiously and so long to hear, so couldn't resist. She lifted her frail head & smiled her beautiful smile...and stepped from my arms His.
Lord, I want to be so fascinated by You that all my replacement lovers lose their appeal. I want my heart ravished with You: your beauty, your kindness, your fierceness, your passion. Lord, they sway their hips or wet their lips and I'm prone to stray. Jesus, please recapture my heart in the midst of my grief. Remind me Lord of my first love. Forgive my adulterous ways and my wandering heart and draw me into all that You are. I love you, Jesus.
3 comments:
Isn't it amazing that no matter how many times we screw up and turn away from Him and prostitute ourselves with all those "replacement lovers" you mentioned that He never ever gives up on us? Does He ever play hard to get? Does He ever toy with us or play the games people play? Nope. He's there watching over us still and longing for us to return to Him. To love Him with all our heart & soul & mind & strength. And all we have to do is turn... turn back to Him and turn away from our evil ways. He's right there - only a breath away. Waiting for us to forsake the world and embrace His cross. Mind-boggling. There are never any games, never any double-meanings, never any "wonder what he meant by that?" moments. You always know where you stand. I hear your heart in these paragraphs, Greg. The cry of your heart for your Savior, the pain of losing your love and your lifemate, the warring desires between spirit and flesh. Those age old struggles between what we want to do and what we do do that Paul talks about. Your words inspire me, my brother, to pursue my Lord and Savior with the same fervent passion you're talking about. To rememeber that He and He alone is the joy-giver, the soul-mender, the life-bringer. Today, Lord, my prayer is that we will turn our eyes fully on You, that we will really and truly seek after You with all our being, resting in the knowledge that when we do turn to You and focus our gaze on your loveliness, all the cares of this life will pale into insignificance in the light of Your glory and Your infinitely loving grace. Today, help me to see You in every moment and to hear You in every heartbeat. Focus me, Lord, on you. (Greg - thank you for your transparency. I believe that God is using you in a mighty way through this blog. I know this blog is meant for you as part of your healing, but I hope you know that you're touching others as well. Your words have certainly touched me - sometimes painfully so. But with the pain comes purifying insights into my own persona and my own relationship with my Lord. Thank you so very much for being willing to put all your ups and downs and highs and lows out there, laid bare before the Lord and before the world. Thank you for the brutal honesty you're pouring forth in these blogs. Thank you for not being afraid to ask the hard questions and to actually listen to the Lord's hard answers. Stay strong, my friend. I pray that today is a day for smiles and gentle healing breezes versus tears and hurricane gales! No matter how scary things may get, never forget that God has placed people in your life who care and who pray for you often...)
I, too, want to thank you for your transparency. Your words speak to me deeply. First to cherish my husband, and not waste a moment. Also, I find myself asking similar questions, and not understanding some of the dynamics of God. But, at the end of the day (or sometimes the next morning!) all I can do is ask to hear Him and know Him. So, same as I pray for myself, I pray for you..
God, pour out You Spirit upon us and show us Your beauty.
Mandy
OK - I just read this again after following the link from your new/old blog. It still wrecks me!! Words can't even come close. I love you.
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