The Change

I've delayed writing this post for various reasons. Actually, I've written 2 posts in my notebook, but neither of those are what I'm supposed to write because of...the Change. Last night at the Friday night service I had yet another dramatic encounter with the Lord. He marked me...sealed my heart for Himself. He has pursued me with jealousy; last night He caught me & the posts I've written over the past 2 days now seem insignificant. My encounter with Him last night was pretty much free of emotion...no tears or deep feelings. Those of you who know me personally understand that having an "experience" without emotion is unusual for me. Again...the Change. I call it a change because I'm a different man today than yesterday. I went into the meeting Greg Sullivan: wounded, weary, whining, wasting away on the inside, while growing fat and lazy on the outside; widowed. I was telling my story as if it was my own; as if it were about me. It's not...it's about Him.

The Change...I left the meeting being called by a name that only He knows. I left the building...changed....marked by fire...filled with a violent resolve to abide in the arms of the one who loves me...a warrior with the heart of God. I left the building married to Him...wedded again.

The Change. I tried describing it to a close friend on the phone right after the meeting, but words failed me. The closest I could come is that He has created a fierceness in the deepest part of who I am. He is in love with me & He was kind enough to take my wife from me and give me Himself in exchange. I know that sounds peculiar, but it's true. Not a punishment; He desired her & in fulfilling His desire to have her, He stirred a desire in me for Him. I believe Nece had way more understanding about desirin the Lord than I could have imagined. Also, of Him desiring her. Let me tell you a story:

When we were about to marry, I became very saddened at choices I had made in the past. Denise was born again at 13 yrs old & served the Lord all her days, never dating or straying from the path of holiness. She had never been intimate with any man...and then there was me.
I had been a whore for many years, sleeping with more people than I can remember; being a rock star and drug addict. So as our wedding day approached, I grew sad. No one had ever explained to me as a youth why we don't have sex before marriage. Worse, I'd never heard a message in church about not giving my heart away. I was deeply saddened. I told her one day about my struggles; how I wished I could give her the gift she was giving me...all of my body and all of my heart. Her response shocked me; it changed me. She said that she wouldn't want that because it was all of these experiences that God had used to mold me into the man that she had fallen in love with. WOW....

Now I understand...this very experience is part of my destiny. I was born to go through this and to endure...to persevere. God has entrusted me to endure & has captured my heart in the process....

I'm in love with Him and I'm being Changed by His presence....more of this post later.