Never Left Alone

Have you ever wanted to be left alone? By your friends, by the daily pressures of life, by your boss, by your kids, or by your spouse? Have you ever wanted to be left alone? Have you ever fallen for the delusion that maybe if you leave the enemy alone, maybe he will leave you alone? Have you ever wanted to be left alone.......by God? Don Chaffer is an amazing singer/songwriter, who used to have a band called "Waterdeep"; in my humble opinion he is one of the best, brutally honest songwriters alive. Why? Because he tells it like it is...which often challenges my comfort zones. After his Mom from a battle with cancer, he recorded a song that I totally related to right after Denise died. It's called "Leave Me Alone". One of favorite lines from it follows:
"...So leave me alone, not because I'm angry I just need to hear myself breathe and be alive and wonder why she's gone..."

Isn't that stunning? I have been reminded of all this, because the Lord reminded me of a "word" I got 6+ years ago while at the MorningStar School of Ministry. We were in an intimate time of worship, and I heard the Lord whisper a question to my heart. He said "Greg, how much do you want me?" I said "More than anything, Lord." "More than money or fame?" He asked. "Yes, Lord...more than money or fame." "More than your wife or family?" Again I replied yes. Then He asked me a question that I knew was very serious & very deep. "Do you want me more than you want to be left alone?" I was speechless. I knew that I was at a serious decision, but I had no idea how far-reaching the consequences of my answer would be. I must admit that I couldn't give a quick answer. All of the moments in my life when God pursued me against my will, all the moments of His discipline, all the moments of His conviction and calls for obedience...they all flooded over me. My fear of the enemy also came to mind. I knew that there were moments when I wanted to be left alone by God and by the enemy...just leave me to my own devices...let me have a "normal" Christian life, where I can wink at sin & not really count the cost. A life of working a good job, trusting the medical community for healing, paying my tithe and going to church on Sunday (while looking at porn during the week), not getting too serious about the Jesus thing lest my family & friends laugh at me, listening to "christian" radio most of the time...a "normal" life. A life where my wife doesn't die...where my God requires nothing of me... a "normal" life. I thought about the question hard. "Yes Lord, I want you more than I want to be left alone." It was almost as if I could here Him chuckle & say..."We'll see."

So here I am with anything but a normal life. I have been and am being bent, but not broken; persecuted but not abandoned; pressed down but not destroyed. I have endured much and will endure much more. Now, more than ever, I can say I don't want the status quo...all those pleasures of the flesh and thoughts of a selfish, self-centered, life of consumerism have no grip on me. Oh sure, they try, but...it's Him I want. It's always been & will always be all about Him! It's not about me losing my wife & best friend; it's about Him using me and my loss for His glory. Now more than ever I must have Him! Now, more than ever, I can shout......................
"I want You more than anything....More than I want to be left alone!!!!"
Don't love money. Be happy with what you have because God has said "I will never abandon you or leave you." - Hebrews 13:5