So, I have always been a quitter. I have no will-power...never have. And my track record from long ago shows me as a guy who runs when things get too hard. That was BC...but it's funny; some things don't just "magically" change when we get born again. I have wondered about this on and off for years and have had to accept that "His ways are NOT my ways". Here is an example of what I mean: I was instantly set free of drugs and alcohol almost 18 years ago. I mean TOTALLY free, after years of being an alcoholic & drug addict...instantly...no withdrawal, no cravings...just Jesus...he wrecked and rearranged my life...and yet....I wasn't set free from tobacco. I don't understand. Please don't get me wrong; I'm not blaming God for my tobacco jones...I have used all types of justifications...maybe it's just the "hook" that keeps me aware of my need for Him. Well, that's just plain ludicrous...I assure you...my need for Him & His grace goes MUCH deeper than my addiction to smokeless tobacco & I am keenly aware of my deep sense of need.
Here's another one: I get set free, but others don't. Now I'm not talking about "emotional decision salvations"; I am talking about folks who get radically transformed by a divine encounter with Jesus, who pursue Him for the rest of their days....and yet...they may daily have to battle addiction...It becomes a big deal for them not to go use crack or meth or whatever. I know some of my brothers who are a bit more reformed than me will question if they are really born again, and that is certanly a question that must be considered and trembled over by them and those who love them...but...I also fear it may be the reformed mans easy answer for not having an answer; one of those gray areas that we just don't have full understanding on...and it's not comfortable.
But alas, this post has gotten way off track from what I intended to write. & weeks ago we strated the Medifast diet...I did great til Superbowl Sunday & then ate some junk food, with the full intention of getting back on the program the next day...that has been weeks ago and I'm not there yet. I'm struggling...I have re-started multiple times...and I do pretty good til late in the day, I get hungry, or I crave something, and I say screw it...and eat what I want...I wish I had never quit. It seems that God had given me a grace the first time...it really was easy...and now it's not. Isn't that just like me? Like us?
We want it easy...we want an easy life, easy job, easy school, easy God...I mean c'mon...a God who demands something...anything...of us...well that's jsut not fair. The world demands enough of us....can't we be the ones to demand of our Santa-Claus God? After all, an easy life is our RIGHT, isn't it? Just bless me Lord...thats what your there for, right?
God have mercy on us...on ME...we are so screwed up and I am the chief of screw-up thinkers. We have no right to easy...in fact, if we are true followers of Jesus, I would say we have no rights at all...we have become slaves...
So today, I take the hard road...I am trying once again to get back on the extreme personal makeover plan. I have repented and I am relying on His grace...just for today...to not quit...He never quit on me. I'd love some feedback from ya'll....
7 comments:
Hey, sweet love of my life! I don't believe for one second that you're a quitter. I know your heart! I know you're going to see this through - for yourself and for our kids! I'm praying for you, my love.
This makes me think of backpacking! There is always a sense of dread mixed with intense excitement when I go backpacking! I know because of my experience that the further I go on the trail...the harder it's going to be! And I know that there is only one way to the top but with every step I take my insides are screaming at me, "WHAT THE **** ARE YOU THINKING!" My feet hurt, I want to vomit from the strain of climbing this intense mountain that is staring me in the face, not to mention I've already fallen several times so my legs are covered in bandages with purple bruises all over my body! BUT this I know...with every step I take I'm closer to the top! I'm closer to something I've never seen or experienced before! I get to experience the beauty of the King's creation from the TOP not the bottom! Just thinking about it takes my breath away!
I'm praying that with every step you take today that the Lord will graciously remind you of the top and that a fierce determination will take over deep inside of your spirit! May He push you to the places you've never been before!
I love ya Greg! You and Mel mean so much to me! Have an incredible day with the Lord today!
Greg,
I appreciate your true and pure honesty. It is hard to tell people what our faults and weaknesses are.
I never knew how much of the same we were until I read this last blog of yours. I too have always quit things when they get too hard and it has been a struggle my whole life it seems. It has only been the past 5 to 10 years where I have really stuck to things. So as someone with one of the same faults/weaknesses whatever yuo want to call it I hear what you are saying but I also know that God is bigger than our weaknesses and well, just bigger!! You can do this thing Greg!!! I too have started a whole new me thing and it has been hard, I am not losing like I want to lose (fast) but for the first time I feel like I can do this thing!! I feel like I am not going to quit!!! (The exclamation marks are for me) lol
What I have done is started praying for God to give me that strength I need, the stamina, the courage, small eyes (instead of my big eyes that love sweets) and to give me the ears to hear Him when I am about toe at something incredibly yummy looking!! It is hard, weight loss is the hardest thing I ahve ever had to do yet now that I ahve been doing it for 5 1/2 weeks I can truly say that I look forward to going to the gym! I still struggle as you do with the hunger thing, the "Oh, that looks good " thing....I still cheat BUT the reason why I am being sucessful (besides the Lord) is because even when I screw up, I get back on. I have read over and over that the sucess of people losing weight is even when they cheat or fall off the wagon (or get back on the wagon (I get confused)lol..is because even when they screw up, they get back on their routine....another good thing too that I have found, is do not call it a diet, or you will fail....like you guys ahve been saying, it is a life change, am eating change, a change for life! I meant to encourage you not preach at you, lol!!! Sorry if I did, I didn't mean to....I am excited for you guys and excited for me and one day we are all going tot he beach with our new sexy bodies!!! LOL...I love you guys dearly!!
He never promised easy...he promised GRACE, GRACE and more GRACE. He will give you the grace you need. I have recently given up my cigs (how many times does this make??? umm lost count), my diet dr.peppers, and bc powders all at the same time. He was there for me the first time and he is here with me this time. He loves us inspite of our weaknesses and says through our weaknesses he will make us strong. Just don't give up or give in. He will not make you go through this alone, if you do it is your fault. He wants to walk with you and guide you through this struggle. I love you and am proud of the progress you have made.
Guess I am hung on music and the way God can use it to speak to me when I am the lowest...not your kind of music, but I thought of you and your current struggle when I just heard this again.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1cCxbRw2PU&feature=PlayList&p=CB5035D853D2D436&index=7&playnext=2&playnext_from=PL
God has me on a remodeling project as well. God showed me that His desire is to turn us inside out. As we listen to the Holy Spirit, regarding our eating habits and resist "desire" eating, we will become thinner on the outside. While at the same time, our spirits are growing fatter. My journey is becoming increasingly exciting. I pray that your heart will be encouraged and you will find the gift of perseverance as you yeild your desires to Yeshua.
Back in Nov., I started walking every morning because I felt so lethargic. It was SO HARD to drag out of bed in the dark morning & get going when I wanted to sleep in my cozy warm bed. My flesh fought me,but I knew how I would hate the condemnation I would feel if I didn't do it. I knew my body needed some anaerobic activity to get healthy. After a week or two, I felt better, physically & emotionally.
Now, I know all about quitting & starting back. After my fall the first week of Feb., it ended my habit I had of walking 3 miles every morning, 5 or 6 times a week. I had purposefully pushed through & MADE a habit my body & mind were used to. I ordered my bed-times around being able to get up and spend time with the Lord & then go for a walk. All that was blown out of the water when I was doped up and sore from my fall. I would wake up all night when my pain pill wore off and then couldn't get back to sleep because I hurt so bad. My mornings blurred me awake at an atrocious waking time. I didn't think I'd ever be able to adjust back to my old early time of waking
"Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, and come with me." Song of Solomon 2:10
This week I've started back. I had to cut a mile off & adjust to a slower pace as it hurts my ribs to breathe hard. You just have to plug at it tenaciously like the tortoise. Ron does spurts at the gym & wears himself out so bad he is so sore for 3 or 4 days he can't go back & there goes his habit. He doesn't make one that way.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Just plug along & be persistent. Watch out for those little foxes that spoil the vine. Ask God for the self-control He says He gives as a fruit of the Spirit. Be a 'persistent widow.' "He who has suffered in the flesh is done with sin." To God be the glory! Onward march, my brother!
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