Hey friends. Well my time here at IHOP-KC is almost up and I have a personal favor to ask. I've received some amazing testimonys of how the Lord has used this blog to touch, minister to, heal, and challenge people. Since the blog is a framework for a book on recovering from loss & grief and coming out more passionate about Jesus on the other side of the pain, I would like for you to email me any experiences or comments about what the blog has meant to you. If you would take time to do this, it would mean a lot to me.
Email me at: worshipmadly@gmail.com Put "Response to blog" in subject line
Several of you have asked if the blog will continue when I leave IHOP and the answer is a resounding YES! Since the work in my heart & my walk with the Lord will continue, so will the blog.
Thanks for your support & encouragements.
Greg
Unoffended
I look around me and I see. My physical eyes see...humanity, in all it's splendor and majesty... and in all it's sin and ugliness. But these days I am starting see with my spiritual eyes...just a little...still through a glass darkly...but more than ever before. One of the things that I am noticing are people offended...offended with God, offended with the church, offended with people...like me and you. Offended with our powerlessness and I understand why...they have needs...we have The Answer, but it's not impacting their lives. I declare today, that for me personally, this is no longer acceptable. It is not ok that I can't say with power "Silver and gold, I don't have, BUT what I do have I give to you with great, exceeding joy...GET UP!" It's not ok with me to watch people struggle for years on end with the shame of addiction. It's not ok that children starve, while I grow fatter...this is NOT ok with me anymore. It's not ok that cancer is a GIANT in our land, exalting itself above the knowledge of God. It's not ok knowing that others will watch their wives, or husbands, or children, or moms & dads stricken while I sit by powerless. It's not ok that I had to watch Denise die...
Now I want you to hear my heart here; what I am talking about is the spiritual aspects of this. I believe that God, in His grace, has revealed one the keys to moving in His power...it is being unoffended. I say with great delight that I'm not offended with my Jesus...I understand that His plan is far better than my plan. I accept that He is Sovereign and I, by His grace, stand before Him unoffended. I can praise Him with all of my being...for everything...yes, even losing my wife. He is kind and He is good. I tell you today that the shaking spoken of throughout Scripture has begun...He will SHAKE everything that can be shaken. I call you to throw yourself at His feet and ask Him to reveal to you any area of your life where you are offended with Him. I want to walk before Him in holiness in the days to come...unoffended. If offense with my brother can hinder my offerings to Him, how much more can offense with Him? I think the remedy is the same...we deal with the offense. I don't know what it may be in your life...I know I have friends who are offended on my behalf...some are offended with God for taking Denise...others are offended at the people in my life who prophesied that Denise wouldn't die...some have taken serious offense over these issues. I implore you: Please don't be offended on my behalf...I am unoffended. I implore you...do something about it. I challenge you to make a difference next time...don't let it be acceptable do be a Christian without the power of the Holy Spirit. In spite of my experience, I declare more than ever..."I will lay hands on the sick and they will recover." I'm looking over my shoulder, expectantly waiting to see the signs and wonders following me...it is our destiny...our heritage...for today...for NOW...for the unoffended!!
On a side note, I just wanted to thank all of you who are submitting comments. They encourage me beyond belief, so please continue...I even had the super-cool privelege of meeting a young lady tonight from Indiana who has been reading the blog. How cool is that? Her name is Mandy from Indiana & she's in KC for the "Transformation Summitt". She over-heard me sharing my testimony and introduced herself...the way that God is using this thing is starting to blow me away...Thank You Lord...You are amazing, Jesus. I love you Lord!!!
Now I want you to hear my heart here; what I am talking about is the spiritual aspects of this. I believe that God, in His grace, has revealed one the keys to moving in His power...it is being unoffended. I say with great delight that I'm not offended with my Jesus...I understand that His plan is far better than my plan. I accept that He is Sovereign and I, by His grace, stand before Him unoffended. I can praise Him with all of my being...for everything...yes, even losing my wife. He is kind and He is good. I tell you today that the shaking spoken of throughout Scripture has begun...He will SHAKE everything that can be shaken. I call you to throw yourself at His feet and ask Him to reveal to you any area of your life where you are offended with Him. I want to walk before Him in holiness in the days to come...unoffended. If offense with my brother can hinder my offerings to Him, how much more can offense with Him? I think the remedy is the same...we deal with the offense. I don't know what it may be in your life...I know I have friends who are offended on my behalf...some are offended with God for taking Denise...others are offended at the people in my life who prophesied that Denise wouldn't die...some have taken serious offense over these issues. I implore you: Please don't be offended on my behalf...I am unoffended. I implore you...do something about it. I challenge you to make a difference next time...don't let it be acceptable do be a Christian without the power of the Holy Spirit. In spite of my experience, I declare more than ever..."I will lay hands on the sick and they will recover." I'm looking over my shoulder, expectantly waiting to see the signs and wonders following me...it is our destiny...our heritage...for today...for NOW...for the unoffended!!
On a side note, I just wanted to thank all of you who are submitting comments. They encourage me beyond belief, so please continue...I even had the super-cool privelege of meeting a young lady tonight from Indiana who has been reading the blog. How cool is that? Her name is Mandy from Indiana & she's in KC for the "Transformation Summitt". She over-heard me sharing my testimony and introduced herself...the way that God is using this thing is starting to blow me away...Thank You Lord...You are amazing, Jesus. I love you Lord!!!
Too Sad To Sleep
"Too sad to sleep
Deep calls to deep As I lay &s stare at the wall
The well is dry
Too tired to try
As my walk is slowed to a crawl." Greg Sullivan
It is after 10pm and I can't sleep. I know this doesn't sound like it's very late, but I did the Nightwatch in the prayer room last night/early this morning. This means I was in the prayer room from around 10pm last night until 6am this morning. I've only had a few hours of restless sleep, so sleep should come easy...but it doesn't. It avoids me, like the hunted avoiding the hunter. When I laid down a while ago, I was filled with a sense of great sadness. I am alone...more alone than I've ever been. The activity of life swirls around me, but I am alone. I can hear the well-meaning voices now: "Now brother, you know the Lord is with you. He said he would never leave you or forsake you." Thanks for the words, empty and comfortless as they are. I do know that He is with me, but that is not what I'm talking about. Think about it this way: Even Jesus felt alone and totally abandoned. I'm not even necessarily saying it's a bad thing, just a sad thing. I miss Denise tonight. Nothing can change that; not being in a group, not throwing myself at His feet, not new friends, nor old confidant's. I simply miss my wife and that's not a bad thing. It is just a part of the grieving process. I believe the reason the Lord doesn't make it just go away is because He designed this grieving process.
I am coming to understand a concept that is a part of this process: I have decided to call it the "tyranny of the firsts". Here is how I find it working in my life: Everything that I do now is the first time I do it without Denise (at least the first time is the first time). There was the first time that I woke up a widower. The first time I had to buy groceries without her...even now this one makes me cry because we enjoyed going to the Wal-Mart Supercenter together. Simple, daily activities can be a source of pain. Driving down certain roads can also be difficult. Often when I drive down the Highway 27 Bypass, I get to "our road". I can't help but cry, remembering such a short time ago, when with stars in my eyes, I would turn here, knowing I was only 2 blocks from a loving wife, waiting to greet me at the door...only 2 blocks from...home. I have driven by our house a couple times and it was surprisingly easy. Why? Because she made it home. I remember when she went in the hospital in Rossville and I already had most of the house packed for moving to her Moms. A couple times I went to our house to rest, but it was no longer home. She wasn't there... and now I'm homeless, both literally and figuratively. Sure, I have a place to lay my head, but that's not home. Actually, the Lord has used this to allow me to see that we should all live as if we are homeless here. This place is not our home. We are just passing through at a high rate of speed. But while I sojourn, I suffer from the tyranny of the firsts. The things we did together seem to be harder than the things we wanted to do, but never had the chance. Going to a new city, like Kansas City, is a little hard, but not too bad. I may think for a moment, "Oh, Nece would really enjoy this", but then I remember...she could care less about Kansas City. The International House of Prayer? Ha! She is in the ultimate prayer gathering...praying for me and cheering me on...part of the great cloud of witnesses. But I still miss her and from time to time I get sad...like tonight.
He understands the emotions of great loss, because He personally experienced such heavy loss and grief. We tend to think that it was easier for him because he was the son of God. But remember, He was fully man when he experienced these feelings. The loneliness that I feel tonight is nothing in comparison. I wonder why we try so hard to avoid sadness? Sometimes I think that He wants us to experience sadness and sorrow because of His great sadness and sorrow. He longs for His bride...and we are too busy to notice. He sadly looks on us with eyes of compassion and mercy. Look closely and you will certainly see the glimmer of hope and the twinkle of promise in His eyes. He will have his bride and she will be spotless. My desire is to be so caught up in His gaze, that the twinkle in His eye is reflected in mine.
This has been one of the hardest, most painful posts to write and I'm not even sure why. Probably because I'm so tired, but soon enough I will lay down and sleep. It may be a sad sleep, but I will wake in the joy of a new day. Will I be sad tomorrow? I don't hold tomorrow, but if it comes, then I will face it, with a dim yet growing twinkle in my eyes.
The well is dry
Too tired to try
As my walk is slowed to a crawl." Greg Sullivan
It is after 10pm and I can't sleep. I know this doesn't sound like it's very late, but I did the Nightwatch in the prayer room last night/early this morning. This means I was in the prayer room from around 10pm last night until 6am this morning. I've only had a few hours of restless sleep, so sleep should come easy...but it doesn't. It avoids me, like the hunted avoiding the hunter. When I laid down a while ago, I was filled with a sense of great sadness. I am alone...more alone than I've ever been. The activity of life swirls around me, but I am alone. I can hear the well-meaning voices now: "Now brother, you know the Lord is with you. He said he would never leave you or forsake you." Thanks for the words, empty and comfortless as they are. I do know that He is with me, but that is not what I'm talking about. Think about it this way: Even Jesus felt alone and totally abandoned. I'm not even necessarily saying it's a bad thing, just a sad thing. I miss Denise tonight. Nothing can change that; not being in a group, not throwing myself at His feet, not new friends, nor old confidant's. I simply miss my wife and that's not a bad thing. It is just a part of the grieving process. I believe the reason the Lord doesn't make it just go away is because He designed this grieving process.
I am coming to understand a concept that is a part of this process: I have decided to call it the "tyranny of the firsts". Here is how I find it working in my life: Everything that I do now is the first time I do it without Denise (at least the first time is the first time). There was the first time that I woke up a widower. The first time I had to buy groceries without her...even now this one makes me cry because we enjoyed going to the Wal-Mart Supercenter together. Simple, daily activities can be a source of pain. Driving down certain roads can also be difficult. Often when I drive down the Highway 27 Bypass, I get to "our road". I can't help but cry, remembering such a short time ago, when with stars in my eyes, I would turn here, knowing I was only 2 blocks from a loving wife, waiting to greet me at the door...only 2 blocks from...home. I have driven by our house a couple times and it was surprisingly easy. Why? Because she made it home. I remember when she went in the hospital in Rossville and I already had most of the house packed for moving to her Moms. A couple times I went to our house to rest, but it was no longer home. She wasn't there... and now I'm homeless, both literally and figuratively. Sure, I have a place to lay my head, but that's not home. Actually, the Lord has used this to allow me to see that we should all live as if we are homeless here. This place is not our home. We are just passing through at a high rate of speed. But while I sojourn, I suffer from the tyranny of the firsts. The things we did together seem to be harder than the things we wanted to do, but never had the chance. Going to a new city, like Kansas City, is a little hard, but not too bad. I may think for a moment, "Oh, Nece would really enjoy this", but then I remember...she could care less about Kansas City. The International House of Prayer? Ha! She is in the ultimate prayer gathering...praying for me and cheering me on...part of the great cloud of witnesses. But I still miss her and from time to time I get sad...like tonight.
He understands the emotions of great loss, because He personally experienced such heavy loss and grief. We tend to think that it was easier for him because he was the son of God. But remember, He was fully man when he experienced these feelings. The loneliness that I feel tonight is nothing in comparison. I wonder why we try so hard to avoid sadness? Sometimes I think that He wants us to experience sadness and sorrow because of His great sadness and sorrow. He longs for His bride...and we are too busy to notice. He sadly looks on us with eyes of compassion and mercy. Look closely and you will certainly see the glimmer of hope and the twinkle of promise in His eyes. He will have his bride and she will be spotless. My desire is to be so caught up in His gaze, that the twinkle in His eye is reflected in mine.
This has been one of the hardest, most painful posts to write and I'm not even sure why. Probably because I'm so tired, but soon enough I will lay down and sleep. It may be a sad sleep, but I will wake in the joy of a new day. Will I be sad tomorrow? I don't hold tomorrow, but if it comes, then I will face it, with a dim yet growing twinkle in my eyes.