Yet daylight comes. Sometimes slowly, but it does come, and sooner or later, a different kind of moment comes to wreck our tiny worlds...moments that change everything. The "first kiss moment" or the "I do" moment...moments that change everything. Six years ago tonight, I was blessed with one those moments. At 8:29pm, in Northside Hospital in Atlanta, a tiny cry pierced the air of a labor and delivery room...it pierced my heart and it still does. After 12 long hours of labor, Noah Gregory Sullivan entered this world. It was a moment that changed everything for us...I was no longer just a man and a husband...I was a father...a Dad. In that moment of hearing him and seeing him and holding him for the first time, everything changed...hopes, dreams, and priorities were shifted...and that is a work of God. We watched the video again tonight of his birth and I cried again. My big ole boy, that still loves to curl up in my lap, though he is getting way too tall to really fit there anymore. My son, who loves Star Wars, and who still believes that the good guys always win...and who still believes that his Dad can do anything. This boy, who is becoming a young man far more quickly than I'd like to admit...who is learning to serve others, and who has a laugh that completely disarms me. Yes, some moments change us forever...Tonight, I am thankful for that moment 6 years ago, and even more grateful for this moment tonight...it will never come again. Noah's birth wasn't the beginning of my sanctification, but it certainly became part of the process. And in the faithfulness of my Father, He still uses my children to draw me nearer to Him. To cast myself on Him, recognizing how utterly self-centered I still am, is my only hope...and He gives us those moments that change everything. There were many of these moments in the Bible too...when ordinary men had encounters with the true, living God...and their lives were utterly changed and rearranged in a moment....that will be my next post, hopefully tomorrow.
Moments That Change Everything
It strikes me as odd. Our lives are made up of millions of moments...how many seconds are there in a day? 86,400 seconds per day or you could call them moments. They pass by...tick tock, tick tock, usually unnoticed. They turn from days to weeks to years, these millions of moments...and yet...somehow....there are single moments in our lives that change everything. Moments when time seems to stop, or we wish it did. Sometimes moments where we wish time had stopped just a few seconds before the moment...before we had to hear the word "cancer", or "I'm sorry, we did all we could do". Perhaps for you it was the horrible, haunting, moment when a spouse's infidelity left you feeling so wounded and betrayed, that you just weren't sure you could live one more day, much less ever love again. Moments when the phone rings in the middle of night, and we know the voice on the other end cannot be the bringer of any good news. We have all experienced these tragic moments that change everything...they seem all too deeply etched into our memories. It is one of our common bonds, I do believe. Our tears all taste the same....
Yet daylight comes. Sometimes slowly, but it does come, and sooner or later, a different kind of moment comes to wreck our tiny worlds...moments that change everything. The "first kiss moment" or the "I do" moment...moments that change everything. Six years ago tonight, I was blessed with one those moments. At 8:29pm, in Northside Hospital in Atlanta, a tiny cry pierced the air of a labor and delivery room...it pierced my heart and it still does. After 12 long hours of labor, Noah Gregory Sullivan entered this world. It was a moment that changed everything for us...I was no longer just a man and a husband...I was a father...a Dad. In that moment of hearing him and seeing him and holding him for the first time, everything changed...hopes, dreams, and priorities were shifted...and that is a work of God. We watched the video again tonight of his birth and I cried again. My big ole boy, that still loves to curl up in my lap, though he is getting way too tall to really fit there anymore. My son, who loves Star Wars, and who still believes that the good guys always win...and who still believes that his Dad can do anything. This boy, who is becoming a young man far more quickly than I'd like to admit...who is learning to serve others, and who has a laugh that completely disarms me. Yes, some moments change us forever...Tonight, I am thankful for that moment 6 years ago, and even more grateful for this moment tonight...it will never come again. Noah's birth wasn't the beginning of my sanctification, but it certainly became part of the process. And in the faithfulness of my Father, He still uses my children to draw me nearer to Him. To cast myself on Him, recognizing how utterly self-centered I still am, is my only hope...and He gives us those moments that change everything. There were many of these moments in the Bible too...when ordinary men had encounters with the true, living God...and their lives were utterly changed and rearranged in a moment....that will be my next post, hopefully tomorrow.
Yet daylight comes. Sometimes slowly, but it does come, and sooner or later, a different kind of moment comes to wreck our tiny worlds...moments that change everything. The "first kiss moment" or the "I do" moment...moments that change everything. Six years ago tonight, I was blessed with one those moments. At 8:29pm, in Northside Hospital in Atlanta, a tiny cry pierced the air of a labor and delivery room...it pierced my heart and it still does. After 12 long hours of labor, Noah Gregory Sullivan entered this world. It was a moment that changed everything for us...I was no longer just a man and a husband...I was a father...a Dad. In that moment of hearing him and seeing him and holding him for the first time, everything changed...hopes, dreams, and priorities were shifted...and that is a work of God. We watched the video again tonight of his birth and I cried again. My big ole boy, that still loves to curl up in my lap, though he is getting way too tall to really fit there anymore. My son, who loves Star Wars, and who still believes that the good guys always win...and who still believes that his Dad can do anything. This boy, who is becoming a young man far more quickly than I'd like to admit...who is learning to serve others, and who has a laugh that completely disarms me. Yes, some moments change us forever...Tonight, I am thankful for that moment 6 years ago, and even more grateful for this moment tonight...it will never come again. Noah's birth wasn't the beginning of my sanctification, but it certainly became part of the process. And in the faithfulness of my Father, He still uses my children to draw me nearer to Him. To cast myself on Him, recognizing how utterly self-centered I still am, is my only hope...and He gives us those moments that change everything. There were many of these moments in the Bible too...when ordinary men had encounters with the true, living God...and their lives were utterly changed and rearranged in a moment....that will be my next post, hopefully tomorrow.
Fierce Love
Today is my anniversary...our anniversary. Four years ago today I married my....
Fierce Love.
What is fierce love, you ask? Let me tell you about her...
Fierce Love is the most loyal companion I could ask for; quick with a smile, and just as quick to put me in my place. Fierce Love rages when I have been done wrong, desiring justice on my behalf. Fierce Love forgives me over and over again when I am a jackass, which is all too often. She can be tenderly violent and violently tender. Fierce love see's the best in me and believes in me. She patiently listens to my endless plethora of rants and raves relating to worship, child-rearing, poor customer service, grace, religious people,politics, and all my Lotro characters. Fierce love...We are certainly not calm or quiet...but we knew that going into this thing.
And fierce love holds me...she refuses to quit or give up on us, even when it would be a whole hell of a lot easier than fighting with me....again. Yes, we fight...not physically, but almost as violently. Fierce love can curse like a sailor...meekness? Well lets just say we are working on that one. We are trying, asking God for a spirit of meekness, but in the middle of a fight...who wants to be meek...I want to win...to be right...and sometimes she lets me.
Fierce Love scolds me when I beat myself up, when I don't love myself the way that Christ loves me. When I devalue myself, I am calling God a liar, because He says I am fearfully and wonderfully made...Yes, she reminds me of who I am called to be.
Fierce Love laughs with me and cries with me. She thinks the fact that I cry when I'm happy or when I see beauty... is a strength.
Fierce love dances...It is one of my favorite sights these days. I come into the living room, the music is cranked up, and Fierce Love is dancing, often while holding Anna...and Noah is flailing his arms & heaving his body...and laughing hysterically as he dances with his Mommy...with my Fierce Love.
Fierce Love never quits on me, even when it would be easy...even when I give her reasons to quit...maybe I even push her to quit, just to see if she will. After all, so many others have quit on me...or me on them. But not Fierce Love...she never quits...and she won't let me quit either.
Fierce Love holds my hand and walks with me...She celebrates life with me and our children. Fierce Love takes my breath away...
And to think...Her love is nothing...
Compared to....
His Love...
His love is perfect...
and perfectly Fierce.
Fierce Love.
What is fierce love, you ask? Let me tell you about her...
Fierce Love is the most loyal companion I could ask for; quick with a smile, and just as quick to put me in my place. Fierce Love rages when I have been done wrong, desiring justice on my behalf. Fierce Love forgives me over and over again when I am a jackass, which is all too often. She can be tenderly violent and violently tender. Fierce love see's the best in me and believes in me. She patiently listens to my endless plethora of rants and raves relating to worship, child-rearing, poor customer service, grace, religious people,politics, and all my Lotro characters. Fierce love...We are certainly not calm or quiet...but we knew that going into this thing.
And fierce love holds me...she refuses to quit or give up on us, even when it would be a whole hell of a lot easier than fighting with me....again. Yes, we fight...not physically, but almost as violently. Fierce love can curse like a sailor...meekness? Well lets just say we are working on that one. We are trying, asking God for a spirit of meekness, but in the middle of a fight...who wants to be meek...I want to win...to be right...and sometimes she lets me.
Fierce Love scolds me when I beat myself up, when I don't love myself the way that Christ loves me. When I devalue myself, I am calling God a liar, because He says I am fearfully and wonderfully made...Yes, she reminds me of who I am called to be.
Fierce Love laughs with me and cries with me. She thinks the fact that I cry when I'm happy or when I see beauty... is a strength.
Fierce love dances...It is one of my favorite sights these days. I come into the living room, the music is cranked up, and Fierce Love is dancing, often while holding Anna...and Noah is flailing his arms & heaving his body...and laughing hysterically as he dances with his Mommy...with my Fierce Love.
Fierce Love never quits on me, even when it would be easy...even when I give her reasons to quit...maybe I even push her to quit, just to see if she will. After all, so many others have quit on me...or me on them. But not Fierce Love...she never quits...and she won't let me quit either.
Fierce Love holds my hand and walks with me...She celebrates life with me and our children. Fierce Love takes my breath away...
And to think...Her love is nothing...
Compared to....
His Love...
His love is perfect...
and perfectly Fierce.
Quitting
So, I have always been a quitter. I have no will-power...never have. And my track record from long ago shows me as a guy who runs when things get too hard. That was BC...but it's funny; some things don't just "magically" change when we get born again. I have wondered about this on and off for years and have had to accept that "His ways are NOT my ways". Here is an example of what I mean: I was instantly set free of drugs and alcohol almost 18 years ago. I mean TOTALLY free, after years of being an alcoholic & drug addict...instantly...no withdrawal, no cravings...just Jesus...he wrecked and rearranged my life...and yet....I wasn't set free from tobacco. I don't understand. Please don't get me wrong; I'm not blaming God for my tobacco jones...I have used all types of justifications...maybe it's just the "hook" that keeps me aware of my need for Him. Well, that's just plain ludicrous...I assure you...my need for Him & His grace goes MUCH deeper than my addiction to smokeless tobacco & I am keenly aware of my deep sense of need.
Here's another one: I get set free, but others don't. Now I'm not talking about "emotional decision salvations"; I am talking about folks who get radically transformed by a divine encounter with Jesus, who pursue Him for the rest of their days....and yet...they may daily have to battle addiction...It becomes a big deal for them not to go use crack or meth or whatever. I know some of my brothers who are a bit more reformed than me will question if they are really born again, and that is certanly a question that must be considered and trembled over by them and those who love them...but...I also fear it may be the reformed mans easy answer for not having an answer; one of those gray areas that we just don't have full understanding on...and it's not comfortable.
But alas, this post has gotten way off track from what I intended to write. & weeks ago we strated the Medifast diet...I did great til Superbowl Sunday & then ate some junk food, with the full intention of getting back on the program the next day...that has been weeks ago and I'm not there yet. I'm struggling...I have re-started multiple times...and I do pretty good til late in the day, I get hungry, or I crave something, and I say screw it...and eat what I want...I wish I had never quit. It seems that God had given me a grace the first time...it really was easy...and now it's not. Isn't that just like me? Like us?
We want it easy...we want an easy life, easy job, easy school, easy God...I mean c'mon...a God who demands something...anything...of us...well that's jsut not fair. The world demands enough of us....can't we be the ones to demand of our Santa-Claus God? After all, an easy life is our RIGHT, isn't it? Just bless me Lord...thats what your there for, right?
God have mercy on us...on ME...we are so screwed up and I am the chief of screw-up thinkers. We have no right to easy...in fact, if we are true followers of Jesus, I would say we have no rights at all...we have become slaves...
So today, I take the hard road...I am trying once again to get back on the extreme personal makeover plan. I have repented and I am relying on His grace...just for today...to not quit...He never quit on me. I'd love some feedback from ya'll....
Here's another one: I get set free, but others don't. Now I'm not talking about "emotional decision salvations"; I am talking about folks who get radically transformed by a divine encounter with Jesus, who pursue Him for the rest of their days....and yet...they may daily have to battle addiction...It becomes a big deal for them not to go use crack or meth or whatever. I know some of my brothers who are a bit more reformed than me will question if they are really born again, and that is certanly a question that must be considered and trembled over by them and those who love them...but...I also fear it may be the reformed mans easy answer for not having an answer; one of those gray areas that we just don't have full understanding on...and it's not comfortable.
But alas, this post has gotten way off track from what I intended to write. & weeks ago we strated the Medifast diet...I did great til Superbowl Sunday & then ate some junk food, with the full intention of getting back on the program the next day...that has been weeks ago and I'm not there yet. I'm struggling...I have re-started multiple times...and I do pretty good til late in the day, I get hungry, or I crave something, and I say screw it...and eat what I want...I wish I had never quit. It seems that God had given me a grace the first time...it really was easy...and now it's not. Isn't that just like me? Like us?
We want it easy...we want an easy life, easy job, easy school, easy God...I mean c'mon...a God who demands something...anything...of us...well that's jsut not fair. The world demands enough of us....can't we be the ones to demand of our Santa-Claus God? After all, an easy life is our RIGHT, isn't it? Just bless me Lord...thats what your there for, right?
God have mercy on us...on ME...we are so screwed up and I am the chief of screw-up thinkers. We have no right to easy...in fact, if we are true followers of Jesus, I would say we have no rights at all...we have become slaves...
So today, I take the hard road...I am trying once again to get back on the extreme personal makeover plan. I have repented and I am relying on His grace...just for today...to not quit...He never quit on me. I'd love some feedback from ya'll....